Gwen Stefani & No Doubt is immeasureably cooler than Gwen Stefani & The Sweet Escape

Best frontwoman since Dilana Robichaux.

I also think Bonham Carter is awesome. There is a pattern emerging here.

WW I Veteran Raises Life Expectancy of 22 Year Old Spanish Guy Obsessed With Death (Or: Vio Con Dios, bitch)

The World’s Oldest Man died today at the age of 122 years. Mr Henry Allingham not only survived the Battle of Jutland but credited his longevity to “cigarettes, whiskey and wild, wild women”.  It is indeed refreshing to see something other than a French or Okinawan diet working in your favour.

All of this should be good news to my friend Carlos Santos who, at twenty something, is not very optimistic about living through his thirties. Mr Santos is not chronically ill but is obese, smokes, drinks, has a family history of heart disease. He is also diabetic.

Santos is rather ok with dying. You see, my friend has spent abit of his life in a monastery and trained as a priest. To this day, there is confusion over whether he is a monk or a priest but he takes it all in his stride.

The reason I befriended Santos so quickly is, of course, because he is an utter failure of a priest/monk. Sure he speaks Spanish, Italian and can read Latin but he fails on all other accounts. One would think that hes the midget brother of a Pinoy Mobster who runs a money laundering service over at his fake laundromat. Alternatively, a priest with an Uzi in Once Upon A Time In Mexico comes to mind.

Earlier this year, I accompanied him to a tattoo parlour so he could get a tramp stamp on his leg. One NSF said: “Your parents are going to freak”. To which I replied, in as black a way as possible : “Shit man, the guys twenty two and he a priest. The brother can do whatever he wants.”

Sometime after ORD we hope to enjoy bruschetta and visit his cousins in an abbey in Abruzzo, Italy.  I have a feeling those boys are sorry excuses for monks as well.

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What does Santos want to do after that?

Run his family’s funeral parlour.

You don’t get more gangland than that, Compadre.